Shared moments defining my journey

Quotes from Oprah

“Our society will be judged for what we do about the least of these.”
I agree on so many levels. However our subjects are VERY different!!
She was talking about PUPPY MILLS!!!!

Email Change!

Hey everyone. My email has changed to marisjbush@gmail.com. If you have sent me any emails within the last few days will you resend them to me? Thanks!

He is growing so fast :(

Tonight I cleaned out the little man’s room. I had to put away all of his newborn clothes! He is officially in 3 month clothes. He is getting so big. I didn’t realize where my mind would take me as I was sorting through all of his stuff.  It took me back to when he was first born. I was reliving our first moments together. It was such a sweet time of reflecting where God has brought us. It makes me think of A and how she is doing. I wish I could talk to her and begin to try and thank her for him. I am so thankful that she chose life for him. I am so humbled that she chose Steven and I to parent her child. It hurts my heart so badly that I can’t talk to her. I really felt like we connected during the time we spent together. I would never want to make anything harder for her right now though. It takes me to God. All I can do is just pray for major blessings on her life.

I love August so deeply. He has smiled today more than all of his other days combined. There have been several moments when his little face lights up and he gives me that big smile and I can’t hold back the tears. He is “talking” like crazy. I love to hear his cooing noises. He is becoming a little boy and not a sleeping infant anymore. I knew before I had children that obviously you would love them but I think daily I am blown away by how deep that love goes. It truly brings me back to Jesus. They are the moments in life when I realize that my life is not about me and I long to follow so closely to my first love. I am just so thankful for God and his love for us. I am so thankful for Steven and August.

Here are a few more pics. These are my favorite pics so far!!

Updates

Steven and I are homebound this week. I have strep and he has a sinus infection. I guess we really needed to slow down huh? We are just crossing our fingers and praying that August doesn’t get it. I haven’t hardly touched him in 24 hours. Steven has been Mr. Mom. He has done great. It has been so difficult for me. I miss him more than I thought I would. Steven is getting all of the smiles, hugs and kisses. 😦 I just get to lay in the couch and do nothing.

August is doing so good. He has started smiling like crazy! It melts my heart everytime. Its funny to see how much you and your husband become so silly and will do anything just to get a smile or laugh out of him! The other night while he sat in his bouncy seat he started reaching out for the little mobile toys attached to it! I couldn’t believe how hard he was trying to touch them! He is kicking his feet and flailing his arms like he is trying to swim. Just another step towards being mobile! Steven was changing his diaper last night and said he almost rolled off the changing table. When his paci is not in his mouth he has been sucking on his fingers. Not one but all of them! When you hold him he really holds on to you. He usually has both hands grabbing onto your shirt. He is just a different kid then a month ago. He changes so much daily.

I can’t remember if I have said this before or not but I am really seeing that my life is NOT about me. I guess having August has shown me how much I loved doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. I just can’t do everything I want to anymore. I can’t take long showers, fix my hair perfectly, eat a meal slowly or pick up and go to a coffee shop all day. My husband is wonderful about helping me out and giving me breaks. It just shows me how much I “knew” my life wasn’t about me but now I really am beginning to understand how much my life is not about me. With all of that said its amazing to see how my love grows for him daily. Loving Steven the way that I do- I didn’t think there was room to love another the way I do with him. I guess that capacity just grows and grows with every child you add to your family! 🙂

We have some little critters in our house. Well not in our apt but in the walls of our apt. We have caught a HUGE rat in our apt before and I think his brothers and sisters are out for revenge. We hear them during the day but haven’t seen any. We have glue traps set out but they haven’t come inside yet! I think just because its cold here there is more activity. We have told our apt office. I hope they aren’t multiplying in the attic! I don’t like them but if that is the least of our problems right now living here in America I think we are pretty fortunate.

I am really looking forward to getting over being sick, not traveling for a while and getting into a routine of being involved more in our church. There are so many different areas and I am so excited to serve more. Sunday, Steven and I served with Church under the bridge. It is the local homeless ministry that has church and serves food. We had a great time. Its hard work and I loved getting to talk to people. Yesterday while driving home from the doctor we drove by a group of homeless people on the side of the road all covered up in blankets and just sitting together talking. It was so cold outside, the wind was blowing and there were birds everywhere around them. My heart really broke for them and drove me to tears. It just didn’t seem fair that I was in a warm car and about to go home to a warm apt and eat a hot lunch. I felt sick and that morning I was able to go to the doctor and get medicine to make me better quickly and be over it. I just found myself saying “I’m sorry” over and over again to them in my mind. I just always want to be conscience of those around me and putting their needs before my own. I want to work hard to serve others no matter how and why they got to where they are now. I think thats what Jesus would have done. Love without questioning.

Here are some recent pics:

Learning

I have had several thoughts lately on lessons that I am learning in my walk with God. I can tell that God is really working on some sin in my life and it has not been fun to deal with.

Daily I feel as if God asks to let him carry me. Daily I get down from his arms and wander. Recently after I repent, I have felt God leading me back to one simple question: “Are you ready to let me carry you again?”

My communion with God has been broken by sin in my life. I don’t know about you but forgiveness has been quite a task for me here lately. I find it harder to forgive when people hurt someone close to me than if someone hurt me directly. In some ways it seems like it honors the one that I love for me to stand up for them and be angry at the one that has hurt them. I think that this is a lie. It just seems like its twice as hard to forgive. I am having to let go of some stuff from my past and present. I am trying to forgive. It has not been easy. Last night at church we really focused on the cross and all of its brutality. We let our hearts go there and remember what Jesus went through. If I let my heart feel the weight of that sacrifice it seems to be easier to let go of what I am wanting to hold on to. It feels like forgiveness is a daily choice.

I have also felt God really working on me about the way that I spend our money. I dont feel as if I “blow” a lot of money but I feel like I still have a long way to go. I feel like we are decent with money but when it comes to eating out or random target runs that always cost more than they should-I think these 2 things are our our biggest struggle. It has been for a long time.  I feel like I have asked over and over again for our house to sell. I think that God is not going to answer that prayer until we learn to be smarter with our money. If we don’t learn while being stretched then when are we going to learn? I think we learn more from being stretched. So we are making attemps to really change our lifestyle this week. We are only eating what is in our pantry and not eating out. I am staying away from Target!! We are looking to sell our car (which is huge for me because i love our car but I am learning to let go!) I am looking for a part time job that I can have August with me. It just feels wonderful to embrace where we are and do what we can to better our finances and to better the discipline in our lives. We are really learning a lot.

It feels good to get all of this out, my load feels a little lighter!

You know your a mom when…

You know your a mom when you can’t remember the last time you didn’t rush through a shower. Last night I took a long, hot shower and couldn’t remember the last time I had done that.