December 9, 2008 at 5:43 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

I have had several thoughts lately on lessons that I am learning in my walk with God. I can tell that God is really working on some sin in my life and it has not been fun to deal with.

Daily I feel as if God asks to let him carry me. Daily I get down from his arms and wander. Recently after I repent, I have felt God leading me back to one simple question: “Are you ready to let me carry you again?”

My communion with God has been broken by sin in my life. I don’t know about you but forgiveness has been quite a task for me here lately. I find it harder to forgive when people hurt someone close to me than if someone hurt me directly. In some ways it seems like it honors the one that I love for me to stand up for them and be angry at the one that has hurt them. I think that this is a lie. It just seems like its twice as hard to forgive. I am having to let go of some stuff from my past and present. I am trying to forgive. It has not been easy. Last night at church we really focused on the cross and all of its brutality. We let our hearts go there and remember what Jesus went through. If I let my heart feel the weight of that sacrifice it seems to be easier to let go of what I am wanting to hold on to. It feels like forgiveness is a daily choice.

I have also felt God really working on me about the way that I spend our money. I dont feel as if I “blow” a lot of money but I feel like I still have a long way to go. I feel like we are decent with money but when it comes to eating out or random target runs that always cost more than they should-I think these 2 things are our our biggest struggle. It has been for a long time.  I feel like I have asked over and over again for our house to sell. I think that God is not going to answer that prayer until we learn to be smarter with our money. If we don’t learn while being stretched then when are we going to learn? I think we learn more from being stretched. So we are making attemps to really change our lifestyle this week. We are only eating what is in our pantry and not eating out. I am staying away from Target!! We are looking to sell our car (which is huge for me because i love our car but I am learning to let go!) I am looking for a part time job that I can have August with me. It just feels wonderful to embrace where we are and do what we can to better our finances and to better the discipline in our lives. We are really learning a lot.

It feels good to get all of this out, my load feels a little lighter!


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  1. I can totally relate on the Target runs, and eating out. Those are the areas where we really slip, too. In fact, I did both tonight. Argh.

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