Changes

July 27, 2008 at 4:50 pm | Posted in adoption, Church, Family, Life, My Husband, Thoughts on God, Updates | 2 Comments

Warning: Very nostalgic about my life right now if you don’t want to hear about it don’t read!!

As most of you know by now we are moving to Austin, Texas. I am more than excited about this move! I can’t wait to get there and to be at an incredible church and be in an awesome town. We have always said that IF we ever decided to live in Texas it would have to be Austin. I am so so excited for my husband and what the winds of change are bringing to his life. I am so excited to see life in his face and excitement in his eyes. His joy is worth it all right now. I am excited for what Austin will bring to both of our lives. I know God has great great plans for us there and my heart is racing on how we can get there faster!!

I would be lying if I said I am not a little torn right now though. I love Tennessee! I love the weather, I love the beautiful fall colors, I LOVE downtown Nashville, I love the community of friends that I have here and I adore my parents. The closer that this move gets the harder it is getting. I know that I am about to uproot my whole life and move it 14 hours away to a state that I have never lived in. I am moving to a state where everybody very annoyingly seems to think it is perfect. Texas will be great but I don’t think I will ever think its the greatest! I am more than ready to get there. I am 50% ecstatic and 50% bummed. Those are some pretty conflicting emotions!!

I have been out of my house for 10 days now and to come home has been wonderful. This is one of my last Sundays in this house. I have all the blinds open, laundry running constantly, my house is spotless and I am taking in every last few moments that I have here. This is our first house that we have owned together. We have put many hours of work into this house and we have never stopped loving it. If we were staying here I really think we would make it work for a very long time. This house is so small but I think it has taught us so much about simplifying our lives and making the best of what you have. We will always love this house.

I am really having to trust God’s timing in our lives right now. It is harder than anything I have ever had to do. My mind is CONSTANTLY racing through life and what it will look like. My mind is full and my heart is heavy. We have had 1 person look at our house in over 30 days and we are having to drop the price. I am more than worried but having to make myself trust that God is in control. We have to move regardless of whether it sells or not in August. I HATE having to live with people and feeling like we are putting people out. I really pride myself on not being a burden to others. I am just really trying to trust that God knows what is going on. I am also so torn on our baby. I think about this baby every moment I am awake. There is so much going on. I have no idea how this will all work out. I want to get chosen so badly and have a baby soon. My moments with God have been so sweet. I have had Hillsong United playing all morning over and over and over and over and over. I need this repetition playing in my head right now. It helps me so much to sort through anxiety and see the big picture and what my life is meant for. Adoption is sooo unbelievably hard. I would take labor for 12 hours over a year of anticipating this child and it is not getting any easier! I know all of this will be worth it in the end. Sorry for all the venting- it just all really needed to come out before I explode in a mess of tears all over my husband.

Please pray for our house to sell.

Please pray that we get chosen and for our mom who is making even harder decisions than what I am dealing with right now. Her pains are so much greater than mine and that is breaking my heart right now. I pray for her so much and my heart is so heavy for her.

Thank you for listening to me vent.

We are waiting!

July 2, 2008 at 1:19 pm | Posted in adoption, Family, love, My Husband, Updates | 5 Comments

I talked to our social worker yesterday and she told me that she is going to start showing our profile! I think life has been a little crazy at their office. They seem really busy right now but she assured me that our profile would be shown. We are super excited and feel like it could be anyday.

This journey has been beautiful for Steven and I. We talked last night and Steven sounded so confident and ready to be a dad! I feel like my love grew for him in a different way last night. I don’t know if you have read on either of our personal blogs but we are in the midst of moving to Texas right now. Our house is up for sale, we have boxes in the garage and hopefully we will have this baby before we leave. EVERYTHING is such a huge question in our lives right now. Will this baby be a boy or a girl? Will our house sell? When do we leave? So many questions. I know this is where we are supposed to be right now. We have both taken our turns during this journey of wanting this so bad, then freaking out for a while, scared about all of the details and back to knowing that God is in total control. I too am ready. Whether it be boy or girl we are ready for August in our lives!

I cannot stop thinking about our mom here lately. I know that she is probably going through some heartache and decisions right now. I pray, as told her in her letter that we wrote to her, that she makes the right choice for her. That this is her baby and her decision. She is in my thoughts and prayers so much. My love for her and wanting to be a part of her life is so strong right now. I want so badly for her to feel God’s love during this time. I am praying so much for her. I love her the way that I already love this baby. I just want so badly to meet her. Please pray for these women today. They are making huge life decisions. They are strong and have immense love for their kids. I pray for no regrets in her life. I pray for a confident decision for her and this baby. I want her to parent first and if that is not the decision that she makes we want to be there to help her and love her and this baby.

This is a crazy process with weird emotions! I am so thankful for all of you who have been reading and keeping up with everything. We are more excited than you could ever know! Now its our time just to wait for the right mom to choose us.

Back to the Boys & Girls Club today!

July 1, 2008 at 2:44 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Ohh the sights and smells of the glorious club! It has been almost a year since I left the club and today it was bittersweet going back. I love kids so much! Those kids drive me crazy! It was a fun day though. Here are a couple conversations:

convo 1

kid: Why did you dye your hair Mrs. Maris?

me: Well I just like it this color better- do you not like this color on me?

kid: yeh i like it- I just wondered.

Question 2: Did you get taller Mrs Maris?

Question 3: kid: Why did you leave us Mrs. Maris? (while her and another girl are putting braids in my hair- steven won’t play with my hair- these girls love it!!)

me: well i went to work at an office but now i am moving to texas and just came back a week or so to get extra money.

kid 1: but why are you moving to texas?

me: (taking the easier route) my husband is going to work at a church in texas and we have always wanted to live there.

kid 1: THEY HAVE FIRE ANTS THERE YOU COULD DIE!!

me: laughing, you can die from fire ants?

kid 2: its really hot there, they don’t have water! did you know that if you want a pool you have to buy it there??

me: they don’t have water there??

kid 1: they have tornadoes there. You could live in tornado “valley!”

me: i am pretty sure that there are fire ants, water, pools, and tornadoes in both places.

kids: “OH” back to putting braids all over my hair!

This should be a great week- I love talking to kids one on one! Having 24 7 & 8 year old girls on my own at one time didn’t prove to be some fun moments for me today! Good thing it was only for an hour!

I am sure there will be more stories to come!

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