February 9, 2009 at 8:56 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

This weekend Matt talked about singleness at church. I was kinda going into this message dreading it a little for those who are walking this journey right now. There have been many times when I have heard very bad sermons on singleness. I think it has 2 ways it could go: you could hurt those who are struggling with it  more or you can empower.

Matt talked a little to the married folk in the room. I will say that he did a great job opening eyes to some problems that many people lean to when “trying to encourage” a single. I know that many have heard or said the notorious statements at family gatherings like,

“sooo are you dating anyone?”

“When am I going to get some grandkids?”

“Well I guess that I will just give up on having grandkids.”

The family starts asking around if you are gay or not because they never see you date.

The family starts making you the target and thinks its hilarious to joke about your singleness. They say very cruel jokes and laugh it off but it cuts so deep.

Or your wonderful married friends are always trying to hook you up with someone. I am sooooooooooo guilty of that one. I am so sorry to all of those I have done this too. I will not do it anymore

These are NOT encouraging things to say to people!!!!!!

It doesn’t help that our culture proclaims that being single is dumb and you should at least be getting sex even if its not in a relationship. They say that there are no perfect guys/girls anymore so just go ahead and settle. Nobody holds out anymore. Its old fashioned.  Just go and have fun. Its no big deal.

Its tough. I can tell you that I have 2 specific friends that I am sooooo proud of. Their lives inspire me. They do. They don’t wallow. They live life. Their relationships with God inspire me.  They are incredible girls who have held out. They have been patient. They have had low times but more than that, they love and trust God to wait. I have often thought if I were in their shoes if I would have been as faithful as they are? Would I have been as patient?

Matt did such a great job really encouraging the singles in the room with the word of God. We talked about Jesus and how he chose a life of singleness. How singleness is a blessed institution. He talked about how singles have an undivided and undistracted devotion to God. Its sooo true. The things we long for sometimes can be the very things that hinder our capacity to influence. I have an infant. I can not just go out with girlfriends, stay out late or go to shows like I used to be able to do. I do really miss being able to do this on a frequent basis. Even Steven and I don’t get to do a lot of the date nights and random outings we used to do. I can’t just pick up and go back to school without trying to figure out babysitting arrangements. I met with a friend the other day and she has always wanted to live in Paris and all of the sudden she was presented with that opportunity and she is leaving next week. Just going. Carrying 2 suitcases and not coming back for a long time. There are unique opportunites that come with being on your own.

He gave some great examples of some singles in our church who are making the most of their singleness. I loved one of the last points he made. He really encouraged singles to run hard after God. Look straight ahead and keep going while you are pursuing God, working with your community, finding ways of outreach, giving financially or whatever race you are running. If along the way you look to your right and your left and see someone there running hard beside you- marry them. In the meantime fight hard, don’t listen to our screwed up culture and run HARD after God. I thought it was so inspiring. Its awesome to see some of those who are close to me in my life running this race.

I really got some great advice- stop with the annoying sympathy, be careful what you say, always encourage the race.

Disclaimer: I love to be married and have a child. I think sometimes we view it as the end all be all of life.

If you would like to listen to this message you can download it so easily on There is an amazing message about sex that he did 2 weeks ago there also. I think it is encouraging to see what you are holding out for- “the mingling of souls.” 🙂



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  1. thanks for saying all of this today, maris. thank you for your constant encouragement.

  2. I love you friend! You think more of me than I deserve, and you are always an encouragement! I’m downloading the sermon right now!

  3. thank you for your honest and encouraging words… the lord knew i needed to read this tonight! i love you and am thankful that the lord has placed sweet married friends in my life who haven’t completely forgotten what it’s like! 🙂

  4. Lace- always here
    Teri- I meant every word of it, love you so much
    Ging- so proud of you in the dark days and the light, love you

  5. I wish more churches would preach like this! Thanks for sharing!

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