Hopeful

June 27, 2008 at 6:07 am | Posted in adoption, God, Life, Thoughts on God, Updates | 4 Comments

Our lives are pretty crazy right now. July 1st marks the day when our homestudy should be done and our profile should start to be showing. We also have our house on the market as of Monday. There is a great possilbilty that we could be chosen, have a baby with us (as first time parents not having a clue what we are doing) and be homeless all at the same time! I feel like a grownup with grownup issues. I have never in my life felt like I am walking on water, looking Jesus straight in the eyes with my arms out and scared to death that I am about to plummet down to the bottom of the ocean.

I will admit to you that I am scared to death. There are some real moments when I start thinking and can really feel my blood pressure rising. When I think about this precious child that I could be holding in my arms I start thinking is this process going to be painful? Will we have a failed placement before we get to the right child? Will we have a child in our home for a couple of months and will a birthfather come out of the woodworks and will I have to give this child back? Then there is the whole house thing. What if it doesn’t sell? What if we don’t make any money off of it? What if we have to keep paying our house payment and have to live with someone (with a baby) because we can’t afford two housing payments? What if it sells in the middle of the summer and Steven can’t come home to help me pack the house up? There are soooo many questions that spin through my mind. I tend not to do well with stress!! I have to really turn these thoughts off and choose not to listen to the noise inside my head and sit in peace.

God has made it very clear that this is where he wants our steps to be right now. I am beginning to think that He wants our life to be this way right now. I guess you tend to learn more by being squeezed!

*Through this I am learning that God is my peace. He is my comfort, my backbone. God is life giving. God is worthy to trust. I am learning how much I really do love him.

*I am learning that we learn how to trust by jumping. We don’t trust standing on the ground and thinking about jumping. We learn by backing up, running as fast as we can and jumping into life.

*God has really been working on my heart teaching me to trust that He is good no matter what the circumstances. Whether life sucks bad at the moment or if it will suck worse than I could ever imagine in the future He is still good. I might not see it in that moment but He is good. (I have been listening this week!)

So- we are stressed, we are exhausted, we are on the edge of our seats, we are numb, we are ready, we are scared, we are wondering how this will all work out however= we are hopeful and excited about life right now!!

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4 Comments »

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  1. I believe that everything will fall into place for you and your new family member. The stresses of the world tend to fall on us when we feel we have enough on our shoulder. But you seem very strong and your becoming stronger every day. I’ve started meditating and exercising to help heal my heart and to work on some of my stress issues.

    But I really came to say I hope the best for you in the further, times are tough for all of us now, we all deserve some goodness to come our way.

    Smooches Kizze’

  2. i’m so proud of you for following the lord’s direction, even when it doesn’t make a lot of sense. lord knows it’s harder than words can express! you are right… he is good, no matter the circumstances! the journey is rarely easy, but the outcome is always beautiful.

    i love you and am praying you, steven, and august through this process!

  3. I love you.

  4. Wow, I am certainly praying for you my friend. You have such grace and strength that I know comes from our Heavenly Father. I can’t wait to see what a wonderful mother you will be. I love you very much!


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