There is something missing

April 4, 2008 at 3:55 am | Posted in adopting august, adoption, Family, God, Life, My Husband, Updates | 6 Comments

I am feeling very different lately. I think I am getting a little freaked out at how close we are getting in this adoption. The agency has been sending out reference letters and everybody is telling me that they have gotten them and are sending them back in already. We have our marital counseling in the morning. Things are just working like a well oiled machine right now and I can only think that God is moving. I feel like His hands are all in this and He is moving this very quickly.

Since the day we got married, its always been just Steven and I. We have loved our precious time together! That time won’t stop just because we are adding to the family. He is such an amazing man and I find something to fall deeper in love with inside of him everyday. There is something missing though. Its like the Grinch- I feel like our hearts are growing! I can tell that we are both longing for this child. I am just starting to feel like there is something missing from us. The other day (I work at a hospital) I walked to the newborn nursery and just stood there looking through the windows at the babies. It was quiet in the hall and I just wanted to watch their little bodies and how they moved, cried, yawned and slept. It just made me feel closer.

I hear people say occasionally, “What if that baby is placed with you and you don’t feel close to that child because they haven’t grown in you and you have never seen them before.” I am NOT trying to be cheesy but since last August when God called us to move forward with this adoption I feel as if this child has been growing inside of me. Its in a different way but I have been bonding with the fact that we want to have a child ever since. I am ready. I am ready to love on any child that God places with us for the amount of time that they are with us. Even if that mom changes her mind we will love that child for however long we have them. My heart genuinely feels 8 months pregnant!

I love being an option for girls/women who get themselves into a situation that maybe they didn’t intend to get into. I am so thankful that there are positive options. Not all adoptions are healthy but I am determined to make this a healthy adoption! I really want this child’s mom to be a part of our lives if she chooses to do so. Ultimately I want to show Jesus in this entire situation. He loves. He provides. He nurtures. He heals. He has brought us as Gentiles into His family and made us sons and daughters. My heart overflows for women who are pregnant and are overwhelmed. First and best option is always to parent! If she chooses not to we would love to be a loving option for her. I just think about her all the time. Please pray for these women/girls today. Some of them are faced with very hard decisions.

We will keep you updated with where things are going. Hopefully we can be “waiting officially” within the next month. That is the goal.

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  1. Oh how I remember these feelings. it was only 3 years ago that we were in your shoes exactly. We were officially approved and waiting in May of 2005. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I remember praying and praying for our child’s first mom. Praying for her health, her heart, her life, and all the decisions she would be facing.

    I completely understand the feeling of falling in love with a child for months even though you have no idea when he/SHE will be coming home! (like that SHE???) God grants that love in your heart. It is a miracle and a God thing.

    Love you guys so much and i can not tell you how excited I am to walk through this with you and Steven. I already have a special soemthing picked out for our sweet August whenever he/she joins us!!!

    Love you.
    :)jamie

  2. Hey, Maris. I’ve been lurking for quite some time now but I just felt like I needed to share this. A good friend of mine just adopted a baby about 5 weeks ago. Her and her husband have 3 boys and due to a unique situation God put them in they felt called to adopt the baby of a young girl they new through family. Long story short…the baby arrived. As I stood in the nursery with her watching her sweet adoptive little baby girl sleep she said something very profound. Like you, people had asked her, “Are you afraid you’re not going to love her as much as you love your own boys?” That days she told me, she has so much love for that little baby girl. She does feel like it is a different kind of love however. She said the love she has for her adoptive child is a type of “rescued” love. She knows this baby needs her, she’s not just there because they wanted to have a baby, but she feels like she’s giving this baby an opportunity that may not have been there otherwise. There is no lack of love for that baby.

    I’m not sure if I’m expressing her heart very eloquently. Just rest assured, God will provide all the love you need for that baby. I have no doubt that you will love her just the same as if she were born of you.

    I’m praying for you and Steven and the baby.

  3. i am so excited for you & it is so great to follow this part of your journey. you & steven are going to be such incredible parents. sweet august is going to love you guys!!! i know the timing will be perfect. i love you so much and can’t wait to meet august!!!!

  4. this was such a sweet post Maris! I’m so excited that you’re in the final stages of paperwork!! That is so exciting & reminds me that all of this will be done one of these days! I can’t wait for August (or baby girl ๐Ÿ™‚ to join your family! I hope that they, Story & Jane are all close in age & can grow up together ๐Ÿ™‚ Love you & miss you so much!

  5. what is this talk of a she? you know i’ve been cross-stitching a beautiful picture of jesus’ face to be framed in the baby’s room… but it’s in blue. should i start over in pink?

    i am so excited to see you and steven with this precious child… the lord is at work and is touching so many lives through this process. BUT this is just the beginning! i pray that your family’s life will be a living testimony of the father’s love for us.

    love you so much, hot mama!!

  6. Oh Maris, you are not cheesey! You do have a baby growing inside you! Just b/c he/she is not growing in your belly… does not mean that they are not growing in your heart! You are bonding w/ your baby, just in a different way. I think it’s precious… you are becoming a mother! I love you and I am so excited for you and Steven!


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