Why is love so hard?

January 19, 2008 at 12:16 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

I am having some issues with love here lately. I am seeing some contradictions in my pursuit to love others above myself. It is so hard to love people that frustrate you! I am not really talking about family because family seems to be a process and you usually have moments of weakness and work through it. It is so hard to love people you see day in and day out. I know this seems like venting but I have a point. Its just difficult when somebody doesn’t live by your same convictions and they don’t have a reason to be nice or love you back. I know we don’t love for the response but you would think it would be somewhat courteous huh?

I am finding that if I try to put others before myself I become a dormat. I will sacrifice my frustration, pick up the slack, talk myself through it, get over it and then it happens all over again. Pretty soon you can’t stop being frustrated. How do you do this?  How do you not be a dormat?  Jesus loved others and he wasn’t a dormat.  I know what some are thinking- “Maris why don’t you try talking about it?” Talking doesn’t really help because why should people be honest? Why should they talk? I have tried.

Why is it so much easier to love a homeless man on the streets, a child in another country who needs food, a waitress or an employee at walmart?  I don’t get it. I am a failure at this love thing. I feel like I have already damaged a friendship and a witness. Now I am clueless on the repairing and gaining trust part of it. Can’t I just pick and choose who I want to love?

“I really like this person and I want to bless the pants off of them.”

“They really get on my nerves and I really don’t care much about showing them love.”

“They burned me one time and now I don’t have time for them.”

“They burned a family member or a close friend and I am done with that person.”

“Ohh you like me? Well I like you too, I can love you!”

I suck. Plain and simple.  I am lost. Honestly I just want to pick and choose. More thoughts later but I just want to leave this with no conclusion that I have conjured up on my own. Its kinda freeing.

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