Trying to make a difference…

July 10, 2007 at 12:35 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

I need to vent.
In highschool I never ever struggled with weight issues. I was always so skinny. So much of it was because I was playing softball, basketball and constantly active. The last year or so I have really slowed down. I sit a lot more at work and work on the computer, I have a nice comfortable house that I love to come home and watch TV in, I am not playing any sports and honestly I have just gotten very lazy. Needless to say, I have been gaining some weight. All of the sudden my legs, hips, and love handles have grown a little.
Can I just confess that this has become the BIGGEST struggle for me? I feel defeated before I walk out the door to work out. I CANNOT make myself do something and half the time my mind is thinking, “Maris- you should just give in. You are never going to look like you did in highschool again, you should just let it go and give in.” I feel very very unattractive and hardly any of my clothes are fitting. I am so very discouraged. You have no idea how hard it is to write this blog. I am sitting here crying knowing this is a reality and that in order for it to change I have to do something. My mind is filled with lies that convince me to just keep laying on the couch. I try so hard to eat good, but all of the sudden food has become comfort and all I think about. What is happening to me? I know that beauty is on the inside and you don’t have to be skinny to be beautiful and all of that stuff that we should tell ourselves. This is past all of this. There comes to be a line you cross when you know that your body does not naturally look like that and it is only because you have been lazy. Only you know what you are supposed to look like.
I just got back from running/walking. I did it for 20 mins and thought I was going to die. I am about to do Tae Bo (which I love).
I guess I just wrote this to get all of it out and confess my sin and struggles. This all consumes my thoughts and has me down more than anybody probably knows about. My poor husband is probably running out of things to say and has no idea how big this issue really is to me. I just feel defeated and I guess I am needing help or prayers. I want so badly to run in a half marathon or some kind of race. I throw up the defense mechanism all the time. I honestly do not think I could do it. That is why I don’t try. I would be afraid that I would quit and let everybody down. I don’t know why I am writing all of this but honestly it just feels really good to let it out. So there you go. These are my biggest life struggles and I have no clue where to start. Any suggestions?



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  1. I feel your pain. I struggled with the same thing up until I got pregnant.I was finally losing weight and firming back up and then on came the pregnancy. But in all of that I learned how to exercise and eat right. I have only gained 7 pounds and I am 6.5 months along. Anyhow, I talked to a nutritionist in the beginning and got some nutritional advice. Fruit and granola are good in the morning but then you need protein and veggies. Small meals, and then small snacks. This means you eat like 6 times a day. Moderation is key. As far as exercise goes 30-45 minutes of cardio a few times a week and alternate muscle groups with weights. Sorry this is so long. Hope it helps.

    Take care,
    – Heather (Lashley)

  2. I love you and I believe without a doubt you are beautiful. I do however, understand how important this is to you…I can truly say I empathize…if you want some accountability, I could use some too…I need to exercise. I need to eat properly. I need to do this for me…for a variety of reasons…

    I love you girl. Tons!

  3. i truly understand. it’s so easy to get discouraged & give in. you can do much more than you think you’re capable of… i believe in you! the smaller meals throughout the day really helps me. i had to just DECIDE that i would exercise…not an option! it just became part of my lifestyle. i also think it helps when your reason is to be healthy & feel good. don’t focus too much on the outer appearance…it’s easy for us to want to see outward results too quickly. you can do it! i’m up for a run anytime! love you!!!

  4. i know i say this a lot, but i love you and i love your honesty. i’m totally in this boat with you… i know you desire not only to look healthy, but to FEEL healthy! it’s hard not to get overwhelmed… start small and work yourself up to it. you WILL get there, just not overnight!

    i love love love you, my friend.

    oh, and will you check my last blog entry? i used the word “sack” and i was wondering if you think it’s inappropriate… ha!

  5. Ok. First of all, you are totally normal. In fact, we might be the same person. Bless our poor husbands! They love us so much, but we just can’t seem to love our own bodies! What is wrong? I believe it is the devil. He loves to have us defeated in our marriages and especially in the way we view ourselves. Because Lord knows, if we don’t like our outfit, if we are having a bad hair day, or if we feel fat when we walk out the door, we instantly feel like we can’t do ANYTHING-let alone ministry. He gets us so down in the area of motivation, that we feel like it’s pointless to even try. And, it only seems natural that he hates your family. You two are amazing, and you have such a huge ministry. So…..with that said, I’m going to pray for you-that Satan will leave you alone, that you will have more motivation than you know what to do with, and that you will see yourself as Steven and God see you. You are SO beautiful girl, inside and out. I love you! : )

    P.S. Remind me to show you my fun pregnancy stretch marks sometime. It’ll cheer you right up! : )

  6. oh Maris! I wanted to get on to share my “insight” with you, but all these other ladies have already spoken for me. You are not crazy. I have been dealing with this issue for 7 years now. I can tell you that you’re beautiful, and Steven can tell you & you can know what God says about you, but somehow you don’t believe any of it. As Susanna said, we are being lied to. Satan desires to destroy our effectivness & our families. I am praying for you friend as you work through these issues. I certainly don’t have any answers b/c I’m right there next to you in this struggle. But I will pray that as you spend time with Jesus this issue becomes small in light of His love and awe of you!! Love you friend & wish I could just hug you!!

  7. ditto to everything in my wifey’s comment.

    the body only knows what the mind tells it. try not thinking, “i’m fat, i’m fat, i’m fat.”

    also, I must ask, what sins are there to confess here? just looks like personal growth to me. πŸ˜‰

    you are perfect Maris, believe it.

  8. Thank all of you so so much. It was crazy to check my blog today and have 7 comments. This is totally what blogging is for!! It feels great to know that we are not alone in this world!! I am so thankful for great friends πŸ™‚

    Jeffrey- the sin is LAZINESS and continuing to believe lies in my life when I know that they are just that: lies.

    Thank you guys so much!! I am running a little while- I will have to give you an update!!

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