Passions, frustrations, and ramblings

May 4, 2007 at 4:29 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments

My mind has been spinning for the last 24 hours. I have no idea why. All of the sudden adoption is ALL that I can think about. We actally got online and looked at the qualifications last night. Our heart (thus far) is for domestic and Haiti. I feel like the longer that time goes on our heart for Haiti grows stronger and stronger. My frustration is seeing the need and not being able to act. We have a “plan” we are moving toward- and I LOVE knowing we are heading toward a certain direction. For a Haitian adoption one of you has to be 30 and you have to have been married for 5 years. Well we are not there yet. Steven has a couple of years left and by that time it will have been 5 years. It is so frustrating because I just don’t want to wait. I want to start the adoption process now! Why is my mind filled with holding this tiny child and bringing them into our home? Why if we have to wait for at least 3 years is my heart so focussed on adoption? I am so frustrated. I want to do something but feel like my feet are stuck in cement. I also want to be pregnant. It is just not time. I know its not time, because I can feel it. I have to be patient!
I feel like my husband is such a treasure in my life. I can’t imagine feeling these strong emotions and for him to have no clue what I am talking about. I love him so much and praise the Lord that he is a faithful follower of Christ and shares such a huge heart for children. I want so desperately to do things in line with God’s timing. I want to strive for righteoussness in my life. When marriages are falling all around us, I want to stay strong and committed. There is so much reward in following God’s heart. Oh Lord may I strive to be perfect and hunger for righteoussness!!
Thanks for listening to my ramblings. I just long for children.

P.S. Did anyone watch grey’s tonight and think to themselves, “where am I and what the heck am I watching?” I hate to say it but I am losing interest. I love Addison…. she is my favorite character but I don’t know- I don’t like all this change that is happening. To many affairs too…. its just not panning out the way I would like for it to. I will have to call Shonda and give her some pointers.

P.S.S. Did anyone know that thievery is a real word? Really it is…. I would think it was just theft but its actually a real word. Thievery. Wierd. Just doesn’t sound right. I learned it from one of my kids today at work. I did not believe it was a real word. I was wrong.

P.S.S.S. We rented 2 movies last night. #1- Blood Diamond Intense, amazing, makes me want to flush my ring down the toilet. (but its a precious gift from my husband so I wont!!)

#2 The Bodyguard oh yea you heard me right. I got it because its been sooooo long since I have seen it. Steven and I are going to watch it together… I can’t wait. Passion, bravery, thievery, (just kidding- see it just doesnt sound right!) fighting for the women he loves… what more could you ask for?

Ok thats enough…. Goodnight!



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  1. crazy how passionate we can be about something in our spirit. do you think this is a new passion (for children/adoption) or do you think that you’re just only now becoming consciously aware of what you’ve always longed for?

    In a different vein, i struggle with the same thing…regarding seeing hurt, suffering, and hate and feeling stalemated. Personally, I have to make conscious efforts to remember that there is hate, suffering, and hurt here in my cul-de-sac as well. That, I CAN do something about.

    hmm, i just thought of something interesting. I’ll probably flesh that out in a post at my place sometime this weekend…see ya mar, have a great day.

  2. Love your passion. God will use it! You and Steven will be GREAT parents someday!

    Love Blood Diamond – oddly enough it did not make me want to flush my ring down the toilet. Not sure why? Maybe I’m weird.

    LOVE The Bodyguard – great movie. great passion. great love. great kevin.

    Have not seen Grey’s yet.

  3. i love you. and i love your heart.

    i liked grey’s… the new spinoff is more humorous, but we’ll see how it goes. i’m not sure its chances of survival are very high.

    yes, blood diamond is verrrry intense, but verrrrry good. i’ve always wanted something other than a diamond ring, but only for the sake of being different… after watching that movie, i was sold on the idea! but it really makes you wonder how many other things we import and use that cause such strife… will we ever really know?

    you can’t watch the bodyguard without singing along with whitney houston! 🙂

  4. maris, i could have written this post word for word 3 years ago. i longed for children (biological & adopted) so deeply & passionately. but God sweetly whispered to me that it wasn’t time yet also. it’s a hard place to be–to be waiting & feeling like you’re stuck. but as i look back at the past 3 years, i’m so thankful that i submitted to God’s timing…b/c it’s been so perfect & lovely for us. and i also believe that if God has birthed a passion in your heart for adoption it will probably be carried out in your life somehow. we always wanted to adopt from china–SO badly, and then God led us to el salvador, and then hopefully africa next. so who knows where your path will take you guys!! it’s exciting & i agree with jamie–ya’ll will be AMAZING parents!! love you

  5. hey mar! i feel ya! it’s hard to put a harness on those passions! i just have to keep telling myself that i have more to learn before the time is right! (it helps temporarily!)
    ok, i kept checking the channel to make sure it was really grey’s anatomy…bizarre! i felt like i was watching two completely different shows…very strange! love you! i’m checking out that nurse’s site by the way! cool stuff!!!!

  6. Whenever you’re LONGING for a child, you can come get mine for a few days! 🙂

    Use this time without children wisely. REST!! haha! No really… Prepare financially. Knock out as much debt as possible and save ALOT!

    I agree with everyone else…you guys will be AWESOME parents!!

  7. I love you Maris! Thanks for being so real and honest. And I agree too. You’ll be awesome parents. And your kids are going to be super trendy!!! They may be a bit hairy too…but they won’t get that from you!! :0)

    I was reading through my journal a couple of months ago. It was during the time when I was leaving the ministry to come to work at the marketing firm. I journaled A LOT when I first started working with Brent. When I looked back and remembered everything I was feeling and what God was teaching me through it all, I was so thankful and completely humbled.

    Everything that I desired and wanted at the time didn’t actually happen during my time with BGM. But what did occur was so much better!! As we walk closely with the Lord and as His desires become ours, He’ll be faithful in His promises. Trust Him to produce something lovely!

    I’m so thankful for your friendship and I’m very excited to walk through life with you. I know God will continue to guide and bless you and Steven. And if you’ll let Him, He’ll mold your heart to love and live exactly as He planned.

    Love you!!

  8. by the way … check out my blog b/c I tagged you …

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