The last couple of months I have been going through “Recovery” at my church. Recovery is a spiritually based program that mirrors the Alcoholics Annonymous’ 12 step process. I started out going to support a friend and found out that I needed to be there! What I love about Recovery is that it’s a place of healing. It doesn’t matter if you are an alcoholic, sex addict, seeker of approval, a person who lives in fear, or anything else that could take God’s place of control in your life. It has been monumental for seeing patterns, going to the root of those patterns and trusting God to change them in my life.

One of these patterns I have seen in my life is fear. I thought that fear was something small in my life that is somewhat normal. In recovery you typically have a sponsor who loves you, helps you walk through all of these hard discoveries and is there to help you think. My wonderful sponsor brought up the issue of fear in my life and really started questioning it. I kinda shrugged fear off and thought it was something I occasionally dealt with. The more I tried to shrug it off the more it wouldn’t seem to leave me alone.

I sat down to do my inventory of fear and was appalled at what came out when my pen hit the paper. Fear has interwoven itself in every part of me and is a bigger monster than what I had imagined.

It asked the question: what do I fear?

Let’s just say there was a long list of things I fear. These are a few. I fear my husband or son dying. I fear failure. I fear pursing my dreams. I fear traveling/living in other countries. I fear my own inadequacy. I fear the loss of others approval. I fear…. I fear…..I fear…

I started to see that the very things I fear are the things I desire most in this life. I want to go back to school. I want to have natural childbirth.  I want to run a 1/2 or full marathon. I want to live in another country one day.  I want to enjoy my family everyday I have with them! Below my fears are great passions trying to fight their way out. My pattern: I have a passion for something. I dream about it.  Fear comes creeping in and I squash it and say that I will deal with it later in life. It is a constant pattern that plagues my life and paralyzes me from taking risks.

It has been absolutely overwhelming to see all of this. That is the beauty of Recovery. We don’t know what is way down deep inside of us. Through these 12 steps you carve out time to really examine your life. For me I have scratched the surface, felt overwhelmed, been extremely broken over my own depravity and have laid my life down at Jesus’ feet again and again. I have gone back to the first 3 steps more times that I can count.

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behavior, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step 3: We made a decision to turn our life and our will over to the care of God.

For to long I have tried to fix myself. That itself has been a continual pattern. It has been incredibly refreshing to rest at the feet of Jesus and know that HE is the only one who can fix me.

More to come…

My sweet friend Laura from college is getting on a plane and heading to Ethiopia to bring home their little boy! I am so excited for them! That is one more child who has a family! Check out her blog and her incredible creations here.

Dear August,

Today you are 9 months old! I can’t believe its been that long. As I sit here thinking of our precious time together as a family, I am overwhelmed with love for you. I am so thankful for our family. You were the missing piece that we longed for. Everyday that we waited for you seemed to slowly drag by and now that you are in our lives it seems the days go by so quickly. You were worth every tear, every moment waiting and I would do it all over again just for you. We are crazy in love you!

I have loved watching your little personality come out. You are still so laid back like your daddy! You are curious and always wanting to explore everything. You will sit and play by yourself totally intrigued by something you have found. You are incredibly strong willed! I am still trying to figure out how to channel that one. You are determined and will keep trying until you get what you want. Everyday we get to see more and more of who you are.

I love your big hugs, your huge beautiful eyes and your big smiles that show lots of teeth. I love when you crawl over to your daddy and I and pull up on our leg for us to hold you. I love your giggles and laughs. I love that you feel loved by us playing and spending quality time with you. (If you would like to cuddle a little more with us we would gladly welcome it!!) I love seeing you standing up in your bed waiting on me to get you after nap. I love how you hold on to me after I get you out of bed. I love watching you play with your favorite toys. I love driving around town and looking back at you in your car seat and catching you staring at me. I love that you like it when I sing to you! I adore your curls and the way your hair smells after we put your hair stuff in it. I like it when you follow me around the house while I am cleaning. I love watching you stand up and how proud you are of yourself. I could go on and on…I just love you!

I have seen a different side come out of your daddy. It is beautiful to see his love for you! You adore your daddy! Every step he takes you are watching. You love to wrestle with him and nobody does it quite like him. We laugh at you all the time. You have brought more strength to our marriage and love for each other. We absolutely adore you!

We are so proud of you and so excited for everyday we have together. I pray that you will find God early and live a life of adventure chasing after Him. I pray that you will dream big dreams and chase after them. I pray that you will always have confidence in the way God made you and use the gifts that are in you. You are already such a joyful child!

We love you August Henry Bush and are so thankful for the last 9 months!!!

Alright crazy kids- ONE bag left! Who wants her??

$40- Great size and oh so cute! Anybody need a last min Mother’s Day gift??

Hello all! A few woman and I recently hosted a purse party in support of the woman’s program from Heartline in Haiti. We started off with 20 purses and our goal was to send NONE of them back!! We have just a few left and I was wondering if you guys can help us get them sold so we can send money instead of the actual purses back! We have just a couple of days before we have to turn the money in. These are the pics of the purses that are left. If you like one of them please email me at: marisjbush@gmail.com. We don’t want to send back any of them! Please let us know quickly!

These purses support women in Haiti and provide for their families! This is a direct way to minister to them. I am also still collecting ANY material, thread and upholstery fabric you may have to send to them. Anything helps!

These 3 bags are $45 and I would buy everyone of them if I could. They are so cute!

#1 – $45.00 SOLD!!!

#2 – $45.00- SOLD!!

#3 – $45.00 SOLD!!!

#4 – $40

#5 – $35-  SOLD!!

If any of you would like to repost this blog on your own blog that would be great!

ONE LEFT!

Look at those sweet eyes!

This is one of my favorites!

August and Eli- you are almost 7 months old!! Time has gone by so fast!

My friend Kimberly just wrote an amazing blog about raising children in a “safe” environment. I have LOVED watching them parent their children and have already learned so much. I love her warning to us as parents about the advice we are given from those who have great intentions but may not be pushing us to where God wants us to be sometimes. Read more from her point of view here.

Obviously I have no idea on how to raise a girl, let alone a boy because mine is only 6 months old! I am teaching a 4&5 year old class at a church on Wednesdays. I am really starting to notice a huge difference between my boys and girls. The boys in my class will play with anyone. They don’t care if they have never met each other  before- as long as they want to play trucks, blocks or anything for that matter they are all in. I have noticed a HUGE difference in the girls. The girls really stick  to one friend. Its almost like they are secure when that friend is there and insecure when they are not. Its actually like pulling teeth to get them to play with anyone else besides that one friend. As long as they are accepted by one person they seem to be comfortable. I have no idea really what makes boys secure. It just really seems that friends are what make the girls secure. I can totally see this with girls the older they get. If this theory were true- how scary is that? I don’t want my daughter to continue down a path of always seeking her worth and acceptance from friends. Friends change. They move, they find new friends, they have good days and they have bad days. I want her to put her security in the Gospel. It never changes. It never has good days or bad. It will never leave her. It will take her through very hard times but in the end will be the rock she stands on to get through those hard times.

Any thoughts on raising girls or boys?

What do boys seem to put their security in?

Today is a heavy day. There have been so many Easter’s that have passed me by and I have not truly taken the time to think about what this day (Good Friday) means to me. Today Jesus was beaten. Today he died alone on the cross. Today he was obediant even to death. Today is the day when the wrath of God was satisfied on top of Jesus’ shoulders. Today is the day that the curtain was torn in order for us to have constant fellowship with God. Today is the day the pathway was opened for us to spend eternity with God. Today he is our only hope. Today he is the only hope for this nation. Today he is the only hope for the world.

If you have grown up in church your whole life it is so easy to just let this day pass you by. Its easy to let our hearts become numb to this story because we have heard it so many times. For me this easter it is sweeter than it has ever been. It is truly becoming the heartbeat of who I am. Everything centers around the Gospel. My marriage, parenting, friendships, living day to day as a missionary- He is the center. He is my treasure. “for I am his and he is mine; bought with the precious blood of Christ.” I feel bought today

I explained to my 5 year olds in my class the other day what Jesus taking on the punishment for our sins truly means for us. My prayer for them and for my sweet son is that one day they will see the weight of their sin and how perfect our God is. I pray that they will see their need for God. I pray that repentance will come. I pray that the direction of their life is changed. I pray that they will live their lives as missionaries- dying to tell of the change and love that God has brought to their own lives. I pray that they would find God as their only joy. Their only peace. Their only trust. Their only hope. I pray that everything would be centered around the Gospel.

I read this verse yesterday and it hit me so hard.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Cor 1:3-4

I challenge you to look at what this day means for you. Is it the center of who you are? Is it a story you have always heard but never paid that much attention to? Did it once mean something to you? Have you forgotten your first love? Don’t let this Easter pass you by!