Shared moments defining my journey

I am going through Beth Moore’s “A heart like His” Bible study on David. Today it was about David and Jonathen (Saul’s son). I have often read this story but never realized the magnitude of Jonathan’s sacrifice. The scripture is 1 Samuel 18:1-4. Jonathan loves David and give him his robe, tunic and weapons. I always thought to myself while reading this, “that was really sweet of him. I want to give to my friends sacrificially just like Jonathan.” Today I learned the symbolism behind it all. Jonathan is Saul’s son. He is next in line for king. He gave over his position to be king to David. He loved him, considered him to be a man with the character of a king and gave over his position to be king. Beth goes on to compare David and Jonathan’s love to that of God and Israel. I have never noticed that David does not recipricate Jonathan’s love back to him at this time. Just like Israel and God. Jonathen just loved David and gave over blessings to him. God’s love is based on his love only not the love given back to him. Thank you Lord that your love for me is not based on what I give back to you but rather your committment to love me. She says here that God loves because He chooses to. Why do we think we rule our own lives? We are His because He chooses to even want us. She gives this passage: 1 John 4:10, 15.
“This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins… If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God.”
I wonder if we loved back the way God loves us to each other how different this world would be. How many marriages would still be together and healthier than ever. What if I loved my husband and stay committed to him not based on the love that he gives me but because I committed to loving him? I love him because God has loved me first and therefore I can love. Not based on the amount of love that he gives me back. Why do I ever pull back on my committment to love God? Why do I run from him when he loves and is committed to me in this way? I have a lot to think about today.

I feel like I need to vent a little.
I am sure that a lot of you have seen the allegations against Two Rivers and Jerry Sutton. I sat here tonight on my couch watching the news and crying as this man who I have heard countless sermons from speak to the church in which he has served, in true brokeness while it is plastered all over the news. My heart breaks to see the church in which I grew up in taking such a hit right now.
I have to admit that I am beyond furious with these people who have made these allegations. I am beyond pissed off with these people who I have been taught in THEIR OWN Sunday School classes destroy a man’s reputation. I am having a hard time knowing how to deal with all of these emotions. Honestly my first reaction (being the emotional fireball that I tend to be sometimes) is to pick up the phone and tell them that I am so disappointed with their actions and everything that has ever come out of their mouth is a lie to me. But I have not.
My heart is torn to pieces for this man’s family and the suffering and embarrissment that they have had to endure. I am beyond pissed that when the outside world looks in and takes the new’s word that YET ANOTHER christian leader has fallen. I hate that the whole story is never told. I have NO FREAKING CLUE why people think that it is in some way bringing glory to God by taking anything to the news and telling the world about disagreements within a church. Why are people so mean? I don’t care how badly you have been hurt by anyone in this world, does the Bible not make it pretty clear that we are to love our enemies? Does the Bible say anything about destroying a man’s reputation and shaming his family? I have to remember to not let my emotions towards these people become bitterness. I am having a hard time right now and cannot imagine what Bro Jerry is going through. None of us are perfect. Why can’t we love each other? Why does it have to come to this? Why can’t they just leave if they are that upset? If they only knew the enemy who is behind all of this. I know my God is big. I know that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him.
God I don’t even know what to ask for?